The Breastfast Club: My first experience

Six weeks before the birth of my first child, Leila, I clearly remember my friend Bridget talking candidly with me about breastfeeding. Her words stuck with me and have become my go-to words to newly breastfeeding mothers. She said, "...For something "natural", it doesn't seem natural at first."

For my first experience, those words couldn't have been more true.

Breastfeeding was something I always planned on doing. When I was pregnant with my daughter Leila I read breastfeeding books, researched online, and talked to friends and family members about their experiences. I thought I was fully prepared for our breastfeeding journey...then I had a baby.

Read my full story over on Sarah's blog, Nurse Loves Farmer. While you're there you can read other mothers' stories about breastfeeding. The Breastfast Club has featured many bloggers and has turned into a valuable breastfeeding resource for new and seasoned moms.

Unsolicited pregnancy advice

Back in 2010, when I was 35 weeks pregnant with Leila, I found out that two of my best friends from home were expecting their first child.  I decided to share with them some of the things I had learned along my journey. 

Now my youngest sister is 36 weeks pregnant with her first child (my first nephew!)  I revisited the list of advice I titled: Candid Pregnancy Advice from a VERY Pregnant Jen and sent it to her too.

Well...just today, I found myself NOT following my own advice! (Will I ever learn?)  So I figured it was time to revisit my list once again, to remind myself of what I learned the first time around, and share it with you.

Candid Pregnancy Advice from my VERY Pregnant Self:

• Trust your instincts! Enough said. 

• Do not research anything on the internet! Just like no one talks about how many people made it home safely (without getting shot, stabbed, in a car accident, or plane crash) the internet only tells the BAD stuff. Make a promise to yourself that you will not research pregnancy related symptoms online. 

• Yes it’s normal. What?!!? Yep…it’s normal. Anything you can imagine can and will happen to your body. Of course it is important to know the warning signs of something atypical but again, remember #1…trust your instincts. 

• Never look at your butt in the mirror. I am seriously sad that I did. Really…do not. (BIG MISTAKE that I made today!)

• Cellulite will appear in places you never expected. Think of it positively…my baby needs this or it wouldn't happen. 

• It is okay to eat deli meat, drink caffeine (200-300 mg is in a cup of coffee or a soda), hot dogs, AND...ice cream cures everything. 

• You will need to buy bigger underwear. Granny panties rock. 

• Wear your regular clothes as long as possible. Maternity clothes were very exciting at 16 weeks…not so much at 35 weeks when you are still wearing the same stupid maternity clothes. 

• Buy lots of clothes in bigger sizes.  What you wear in the 2nd trimester will not necessarily fit you in the 3rd trimester. 

• Don’t get hung up on the 25-35 lbs weight gain suggested to you by your doctor. It will make you cry and want to eat ice cream when you pass it up. (Unless, of course, your doctor says something to you specifically about your weight gain or lack of at an appointment. Mine laughed at me when I was concerned saying that no one really stays within those guidelines.) 

• Buy lots of toilet paper. You will pee 800 times a day/night. I sit down, pee, wipe, stand up and repeat (2 or 3x) before I am ready to leave the bathroom. Lean forward when you pee to get the last few drops out.

• You will be thirstier than you ever imagined. Water will keep you from major swelling, but 3rd trimester swelling will come. It will be funny when you can’t make a fist, see your ankle bones, have chubby knees, and fingerprints leave indents in your legs. 

• Everything (yes, even an apple) can give you heartburn and indigestion. Be smart and take Tums before you eat. 

• Prune juice is not so bad. Splurge on the good shit…the generic is just not the same. It works wonders and is totally necessary.   I drink it daily. Just close your eyes because it looks a little like au jus. 

• One word: EXERCISE. It boosts your mood, helps you poop, and keeps you from feeling bad about the shit you ate the day before. 

• Take weekly pictures of your belly. You will look back and laugh at when you “thought you looked pregnant” (me at week 10) and pray to just have that little bloated bump again someday! 

This last one is so true.  Here's the first bump picture of this pregnancy...
  

Huge at 13 weeks, huh?!

What would pregnancy advice would you need to remind yourself of the second (or third) time around?

We don't share toys.

I know what you are thinking...What?! How can you possibly be raising a decent human being without teaching the basic rule of sharing...and why on Earth are you telling people?!

Think about the last time you toddler had something another child wanted, or wanted something that another child was playing with.  What did you say to your child?  Did you tell them to share?

Before we stopped sharing toys, the conversations I had with Leila, when a child wanted the toy she was currently playing with, went something like this:

Leila, you need to share your shovel.  

No.  Mine.

When you're done give it to the boy.  We share.

When I finally realized what I was saying, I realized I was actually asking her to take turns, not share her shovel.  I didn't expect her to give up the shovel immediately just because another kid wanted to use it.  I wouldn't give up my parking spot just because someone else wanted it.  They'd have to wait until I was finished with my turn.

Sounds like simple semantics, right?  Sharing vs. turn taking.  But there is a difference.  Heather Shumaker, author of It’s OK Not to Share…And Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids (Tarcher/ Penguin, 2012) wrote a must-read guest post on the Positive Parenting Solutions blog that confirmed what I was witnessing.

I noticed when I used this different terminology with Leila she got it.  She started taking turns, even without me making a big deal out of it.

Taking her turn with the bucket.

So, do we share anything?  Yes.  We share our snack because we both can have some.  We share our crayons because there is enough for everyone to have one to use.  We can even share play-dough by breaking off a piece of our and giving it to a friend.

But most of the time we take turns.  We use something as long as we want it, and when we are finished, someone else can have their turn.  If she wants something, she waits her turn.  Turn-taking teaches positive assertiveness and patience, two life skills not all adults have.

So go ahead, stop making your kid share their toys, take turns instead!  You'll be doing everyone a favor.  

My biggest rookie mistake

As I near the half way mark of this pregnancy, I am beginning to reflect on my experiences as a rookie mom.  Honestly, being a mom of two kind of scares the crap out of me.  Reflecting on my newbie years brings me a sense of control and confidence.

Although I know better than to think I am actually the one in control (Proof I'm not a newbie anymore!), there are things I will definitely try do again with baby number 2 and things that I plan to do differently the second time around.

With baby #2 I will definitely try to...

• Breastfeed again, and maybe even longer this time since I won't be going back to work.
• Sleep train this baby as early as possible.  Me without sleep = crazy person.
• Wear baby #2 in the Ergo carrier.
• Take monthly pictures of baby #2 to document all the physical changes in the first year.
• Limit pacifier use to the crib, stroller, and car seat after the first three months (and then eventually just in the crib).

I have confidence that those things will happen again.  I've done them before.  I have experience making them work.  Doing things differently, well that will be more challenging. 

This time around I plan to...

• Sleep when the baby sleeps just to prove to myself that I can.
• Deal with a messy house instead of allowing the mess to consume me.
• Not be so hard on myself.  I am not perfect and I will not panic when things don't go as planned.
• Give my husband the freedom to do things his way.
• Always be late.  I am not even going to stress out over trying to be anywhere on time.  I will be implementing a 30 minute window rule for our arrival.  
• Pretend I am not being judged.  We all know it happens.  This time around I will be too busy to care.
• Get in the picture. My biggest rookie mom mistake was not wanting to have my picture taken for months after Leila was born.  I even made my family and friends promise not to take any pictures of me in the hospital.  Pathetic huh?

After reading Allison Tate's blog post on the Huffington Post, I was a teary eyed mess.  I know exactly how she and many other women feel after having a baby...low self-confidence, high expectations, embarrassed to still have "fat pregnancy face", and a body you don't recognize. This time I will be in photos with my new baby, sporting my postpartum weight and all.

I did allow Jeff to snap some pictures at the hospital after I finally took a shower.
I deleted almost all of them.  Huge regret. 

At least I am partly in the picture, right, even if I did crop out my entire body and made sure to hide my face behind Leila.

I find it extremely difficult to venture out of my comfort zone. Changing behaviors is never easy.  But I'm not a rookie anymore. 

  

Time to fess up Mommas.  What will you be doing differently the second (or third) time around?  What was your biggest newbie mom mistake?

  

So that's where she gets it from

Depending on the context, those words can be heavily loaded.

So that's where she gets her beautiful blue eyes.  Not so bad (even though her baby blues come from Jeff.)

So that's where she gets her bossiness.  Not exactly music to my ears (even though it's true).

Last week I shared a list of phrases Miss Bossy-pants has been heard saying lately. I clearly admitted in the post that she may have heard me say some of those phrases to her, right?

I have said plenty of stuff to Leila that I cannot believe came out of my mouth.  Some stuff I can't even say with a straight face.

Yep, I'm where she gets it from...

You can't tell Mommy where to go.

That's enough Leila! (She repeated this back to me just two minutes later.)

No whining.  Wine is for Mommy.

Go...out of here.

As I mentioned earlier, PLEASE is being used more often around here.

Are there things you've said that you can't believe actually came out of your mouth (then later your child's)?  Want to read what other moms have said?

Check out the other Toddle Along Tuesday posts...

Leila loves...

• Acting "big" and reminding me sweetly, "Leila big."  

• Coloring.  Even though she normally just uses one color...brown.

• Pretzels, granola bars, our daily green smoothie, milk, pork tenderloin, any and every fruit, black beans, cookies, and cheese.

• Yo Gabba Gabba, Micky Mouse Club House, and Baby Signing Time.

• Shopping at Target and running errands with me in general.

• Her best friend Charlie, her stuffed animals, her pacifiers, and her blanket.

• Playing pretend, young kids, swimming, climbing, walking (instead of being in her stroller), bike rides, and doing whatever I do.

• Books.  She likes us to read to her and also likes reading by herself. Her current favorites are Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?, Goodnight Moon, LMNO Peas, No, David!, and  On the Night You Were Born. 

• Family hugs, her bedtime routine with Daddy, and snuggling with Mommy.

Bossy-pants

Actually, it's Miss Bossy-pants to you.

Here's a rundown of what my almost-two year old has been heard saying lately:

Don't like that.

Go away Mommy.

It's mine, not yours.  It's mine.

Stop!

No Mommy, keep it right there.

Sit down Mommy.

Me do it.  You do it.  No, me do it.

My friend, Amy, and her daughter Kennady hung out with us last week.  I can't remember what I said to Leila, but Amy's response to me was..."Hmmm, I wonder where she gets it from?!"  She was only half-joking.

Looks like PLEASE is going to become the most overused word in my vocabulary.

Doctor vs. Mom {Potty-training}

I was quite surprised when I went for Leila's two year well-baby check up last week (a month early) and her pediatrician tried to convince me that Leila was ready for potty training.

The doctor (who had been in the room with Leila for a whopping five minutes) said without hesitation, that Leila seemed ready.

Fine.  You think she's ready, then you potty train her.  What about me, don't I get an opinion?  What if I'm not ready?

I kept my mouth shut and listened to the good doctor ramble on about potty training.  Unfortunately for her, she failed to state one single reason why she thought Leila was ready for this next step.  Nope, not one.  Until...

Leila blew my cover and announced that she needed to poop.  

To make matters worse, Leila pulled at the door handle indicating that she wanted to leave the room we were in.  Of course the doctor assumed she wanted to use the bathroom, but I knew better than that!  The truth was, Leila wanted some privacy.  (And who wouldn't?!)  There was no table to hide under, no chair to stand behind, no place that she could be alone to do her business. 

Before the doctor said good-bye, I had her convinced that we'd be starting potty training within the next month.  

Luckily for me, Leila's next well-baby appointment is not until she is THREE years old.  That gives us plenty of time.

Evidence to support WAITING to potty training...

I think Momma knows best!

Anyone else NOT interested in potty training their toddler?  If you've already mastered potty training, what were some clues that your child was ready?

Easy Green Smoothie Recipe {Toddler approved!}

Convincing Leila to eat a vegetable is a daunting task.

Typically she will try the vegetables (bonus!) just to spit it out after it's been chewed a few times.  The other night Jeff felt so proud that he actually got her to lick a piece of broccoli.  We'll take what we can get folks!

I know there are tons of ways to hide vegetables in your child's food.  I found one recipe that I was going to try from Pinterest, but recently it's been too hot to turn on the oven. I know there are dozens more I haven't even discovered yet!

The thing is, I make ONE dinner for the entire family to enjoy (or not).  I do not want to start making Leila her own meal, secretly filled with vegetables, while Jeff and I openly enjoy our vegetables.  Ideally, she will learn to appreciate tolerate vegetables with few modifications. (Cheese smothered broccoli is acceptable.)  I realize I may be asking for too much, so in the meantime I have a solution:  a daily dose of greens in her morning smoothie. 

You may be thinking...Wait?  Isn't this an example of hiding vegetables, just like you said you didn't want to do?

Not really.  Here's why:  Leila helps me make the smoothie each morning.  She rips the kale from the stem and then takes handfuls of spinach and dumps them in the blender.  It's not a secret if she knows, right?!

Easy Green Smoothie Recipe

Recipe from Lauren Boston 

(PER PERSON*)

1 large leaf Kale 

1 cup spinach 

1/2 cup frozen blueberries 

1/2 frozen banana

1 scoop organic wheat grass powder 

Water to desired consistency (about 1 cup)

Variations:

Add 1 scoop Trader Joe's Very Green Berry Flavored Powder 

Add additional 1/2 cup of frozen fruit (I used raspberries above) 

Add ground flax seeds

Replace 1/2 cup of water with 1/2 cup of orange juice (pictured above)

Add plain Greek yogurt for protein and a thicker smoothie

*This recipe makes enough for Leila and I to share.  We each get a cup (pictured above) full of green smoothie first thing in the morning.  I'm still experimenting with how much we need/want.  Sometimes I add an additional leaf of kale and it doesn't change the taste at all.  This smoothie doesn't replace our breakfast.

Please let me know if you try this recipe.  I'd love you to share your green smoothie recipe too! 

YES, you can {Beach day fun}

Last week I took Leila to the bay for some water play.  It's been hot here in San Diego and a day at the beach was just what we both needed.

As I was relaxing on the towel, Leila was having fun playing by herself.  She was digging holes in the sand, picking up seashells, throwing wet sand in the water, splashing in the shallow water, and running around enjoying her surroundings.

About thirty minutes in, I noticed a young boy around Leila's age throwing shells and sand into the water.  His mother immediately called out his name from her towel, jumped up after him, and reprimanded him for throwing things in the bay. Seconds later she was yelling at him, "No splashing!"  She chased him around for a while telling him not to do just about everything he was doing.

Honestly, I didn't know how to feel.  For a second I felt embarrassed that I was allowing Leila to throw wet sand into the bay (that happens to be full of wet sand) and I wondered if I should ask her to stop splashing around in the water.

Then I chuckled to myself...

Here I was enjoying a relaxing day at the beach, allowing Leila to do what kids do at the beach- have fun!  And here was this other mom all frazzled chasing her son around telling him no.

Clearly Leila and I were having more fun!  Isn't that what beach days are all about?

Dear Leila, for the record, YES you can throw sand (or seashells) into the water.  YES you can splash in the bay.  YES you can be a toddler!

If you need more inspiration to say YES to your child check out my first YES, you can...post here.

How I stay sane {Finding balance}

Everyone wants and most definitely NEEDS balance in their life.

No matter what you do each day, there never seems to be enough hours to do everything you really want to do. (Trust me, it seems like there are plenty enough hours spent doing things I'd rather not do.  Dishes top that list!)

What tops my list of things I want to do?  How do I find balance in life?

I stay sane by...

drinking red wine or a crisp wheat beer.

working out regularly.

making lists and crossing off one item at a time.

hanging with the girls (or Jeff) sans Leila.

skipping the chores for a week. 

reading, writing...blogging.

ditching my meal plan and heading out to dinner.

listening to music and signing along.

taking a nap instead of doing what's on my list.

...and it doesn't hurt that I live here.

How do you find balance in your life? 

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This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is finding balance! How do you maintain a sense of balance in your life? Any tips to share?

Share your tips in the comment section or link up a relevant blog post (old or new).  Then, visit the linked blogs to read about how others are Finding Balance in their daily lives.

Wait...what did you just say?

My daughter just got a little more adorable (or annoying...you make the call).

Summertime sweaty Leila

Out of no where she started adding -y to the end of random words.  I do not talk to her like this.  I am not a fan of what I call "baby talk".  But when Leila says it, on her own, it is too cute!

The other day she asked for some "milky" instead of milk and she called her toy cell phone a "phone-y".  The next day she was passing toys out and said, "One for Leila.  One-y for Mommy."  I about died!  Seriously, where does she come up with this stuff?

I guess can stop blaming "those Moms" for talking baby talk to their kids. Sorry I judged you.  Can you forgive me?

Has your toddler started making up words or saying things you just can't believe?

Vacation hangover

...STILL.

I just can't seem to shake this vacation feeling.  You know, the one that involves afternoon naps, no real responsibilities, and no routine.

The pile of mail sitting on my counter is about to bite me.  My suitcases, although unpacked, are still in our bedroom.  Pictures need edited and stories need to be told.

I know it's not going to get done on it's own.  

I know that it's not going to be done today.

It's the weekend and I'm going to enjoy it!  Monday will come soon enough.

Two months untill two

As Leila gets older she is looking more and more like...herself!  She's a good mix between Jeff and I, not really resembling one of us more than the other.

Although this picture of me on my second birthday (with my mom and dad) may convince you otherwise.  What do you think?

August 1979,  my 2nd birthday

July 2012, Leila at 22 months old

What's up with Leila just two months from her second birthday? 

• She is really good on her feet!  Leila has been atempting to climb up and down a few stairs without any support.  It's pretty scary to watch, but I am amazed at her abilities.  She has started jumping and can just barely get both feet off the ground.  I can't belive how much she moves.  Getting a snuggle from her has always been a struggle!

• Yes! Yes! Yeah!  I love that when I ask her a question she actually thinks about it before she responds.  It's even better when she responds with a "yes" instead of just staring at me like I am talking to a wall.

• She still takes one AWESOME three hour nap a day.  That nap and her twelve-ish hours of sleep at night make for one happy Momma and toddler.

• Leila is willing to try almost everything we give her to eat.  She won't always swallow it, but at least she gives it a try.  The only vegetables I have gotten her to swallow lately are green beans and raw carrots.  She loves cereal for breakfast, fruit and pretzels are her favorite snack, and we feed her whatever we are eating for dinner.

• She has a best friend, Charlie, who is just two months older than her. Since we've been on vacation she has asked about Charlie a lot.  We've spent at least ten minutes (that's a long time for her to be focused on anything) looking at Charlie's pictures.  It is too cute!

• Leila has spent many hours in the pool since we've been away from the beach.  She doesn't love it yet, but she's slowly warming up to the idea that her feet cannot touch the ground.  The floaties are just for my own peace of mind since she is glued to me while in the pool.  Last week she enjoyed getting dunked and blowing bubbles.

• My favorite Leila-thing this month...she recognizes that the three of us are a family!  Before bed each night Jeff, Leila, and I have a family hug-a-thon and lately she's been recognizing us as a family outside of that bedtime ritual.  Her voice is so sweet, especially when she says "family"! 

Only a two more months until Leila's second birthday!  This is such a fun age!  I can't wait to see what age TWO will bring.

YES, you can...

Climb up on this high-chair.  Get in.  Sit down.  Buckle up.  All by yourself.

I am proud of my ability to let go, to mask my worries and fears, for Leila's sake. Her confidence is a direct reflection of my conscious change and my trust in her abilities.

I mean, look at her...  

One of my favorite group of moms on the internet call themselves the Play at Home Mom.  They have a YES! album on their Facebook page where they posted pictures of things they allowed their child to do.  YES, you can hold sparklers, get dirty, throw rocks, climb fences, play in the rain...  


Thanks for the inspiration ladies!

When do you say YES, you can...?  What can you trust your children to do?  

I'm losin' it {Weight-loss update}

After committing to finally losing all this "toddler" weight for once and for all, I've been on my best behavior all month. I am excited to announce that I have lost 5 pounds.

Could that be a little muscle tone in my arm or strategic posing? 

My plan worked!

My plan for the first month was to write down everything I ate and continue my current 5 day a week exercise routine.

Each day I kept a running total on how many calories I consumed, aiming for 1200-1500 per day.  (Honestly, some days were easier than others.)  Recording everything I put in my mouth helped me make better food choices throughout the day, cut out my nightly sweet treat, and drink less wine.

Luckily for me, choosing the "right" foods wasn't difficult. This is at least the fourth time I have counted calories to lose weight, which practically makes me a pro!

Aside from the occasional pizza night, I have been making healthy dinners for as long as I can remember. I cook with extra lean ground turkey, make meatless meals, and have a good sense of portion size.  Now that I am not rushed out the door to work in the morning, I have time to sit down and eat a "real" breakfast. Eggs are my top pick! They keep me feeling full until lunch so I'm not tempted to nibble from Leila's snacks.  Also, I do not like having junk food in the house, especially sweets.  I have quite the sweet tooth!  

Here's a few of my favorite healthy snacks:

apple with 1oz cheese or 1T of peanut butter

carrots and hummus

hard boiled egg

sweet baby peppers

greek yogurt

string cheese

popcorn

edamame

My exercise routine consisted of high and low intensity workouts five days a week.  I was already doing these workouts before I started counting calories so it was easy to continue.

To stay motivated I like to change up my workouts often!  I do not belong to a gym, because for me it's an unnecessary expense.

This is what I'm doing these days: 

• I have a couple of the Biggest Loser DVDs and Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.  I fit those in during nap time on days that I don't run in the morning.  
• I also have an old school Denise Austin Pilates DVD that really works my abs.  It's my go-to workout when I am not motivated to work too hard.  
• Some days I simply I go for a walk or bike ride with Leila.  
• Just recently I started working out with my sister again one evening a week.  We're perfecting a routine we can do outside with Leila.  (I'll share when we get it just right!)

I am very impressed with my results! Although five pounds may not seem like a lot to some people, it is a lot to me. I am only 2 pounds from my goal!

Hahaha! This is my new favorite family photo.  

I know that July will be more challenging than this past month. I'm back home visiting family and friends in Chicago and plan to eat all my favorite foods at least twice. (Giordano's, Rosati's, Portillo's, and Jimmy John's here I come!)

My goal for July:  Don't gain any weight!

My plan:  Enjoy my vacation!  
I will be counting calories when possible and watching my portion sizes.  
I brought home five workout DVDs to do in my parents' basement since it's too hot here to run, even first thing in the morning.


Wish me luck!  


Don't forget to enter this month's Weight-loss Challenge giveaway to win some great pampering products from Basq! 

Beach days

I plan on soaking up every last minute of our beach life before our trip to the Chicago-land area.

  

I love visiting my hometown.  My family, friends, the food!  But I did move away for one reason.  The beach.  Now, I can hardly imagine my life any other way.

Leila will grow up knowing this as her backyard.  I'd say she is one lucky girl!

My fun girl

Last week Leila and I spend a lot of time together, just the two of us.

Jeff was working late, her friend Charlie wasn't feeling well, and I didn't feel like leaving the beach.

On Thursday, we kept it simple and went for a bike ride along the ocean boardwalk.  On the way back home we discovered a new park on the bay side.

The location was beautiful, but the children were lacking. Leila had no one to play with (except me!) so there was lots and lots of swinging.

Leila is such a fun girl to hang out with!   

That face!

Leila has the cheesiest "smile" face...

Was this learned or do all kids make a similar face for the camera?

Unless you tell me otherwise, I am blaming her father.

I'm here, I like it, and that's alright.

Last month I shared how I became a stay-at-home mom. I lost my job, and until recently I had a difficult time accepting my new role. Or at least that's what I thought.

Last week I got a message letting me know that I need to remove all my stuff from my classroom. They'll be needing the space this fall.  It's final...and it sure feels that way.

I'm a mess when it comes to my emotions. Anxiety is high, tears have been shed, feelings of anger and resentment resurface.  I miss my friends. I miss teaching. I miss the old Jen.

I'm surprised I feel this way because I do not want to work right now.  I really though I was over this!  I like being home with toddler Leila.  I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, literally.  I like my stay-at-home mom lifestyle.  I like the new Jen.

I am on a different path, headed in a different direction, than I pictured for myself, and that's alright.

It's okay to be glad that I'm not working.

It is perfectly fine to be a stay-at-home mom, and not love it or hate it.

It's okay to be happy.