If you have been here awhile, you know that I consider myself a temporary stay-at-home-mom.
I never planned on staying home when I became a mom. My teaching career allowed me to work 180 days out of the year AND be home around 4pm. Sounded to me like a perfect way to do the all the things I love.
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. -John Lennon
Going back to work after my maternity was the toughest thing I ever had to do.
Not because I didn't want to leave my child, I was excited to go back to teaching. I was desperate to get some structure back into my life after three blurry months of newborn filled days. (You know the drill...eat, sleep, poop, cry. Never in the same order, yet always the same.)
Those six months of teaching were rough on me. I felt guilty leaving Leila and loving the young children in my class. Guilty that I arrived at school ten minutes before class started, and guilty that I rushed home right after school was over.
Ashamed that I still hadn't lost all the baby weight, I spent my afternoons pushing Leila in the stroller while my anxious mind raced with all of the things I thought I should be doing (washing pump parts, bottles, packing my lunch, lesson planning, cleaning house, changing the sheets, going grocery shopping, making dinner...)
I felt like I was giving 110% but no one was reaping the benefits.
I was running on empty.
I learned I would be laid off (for real that year) due to budget cuts and increased class size in a meeting I was, of course, late to. I sat in the back of the room sobbing, wondering if I could take more changes in my life. At the same time, I was relieved it was almost over and afraid I would fail at being a stay-at-home-mom.
This June I will be celebrating one year of being a stay-at-home-mom to my little Leila.
Sure, this new role has had it's challenges. I have struggled with my new identity, making mom-friends, finding a routine that works for us, and feelings of uncertainty when it comes to my teaching career.
These personal struggles, although not resolved, have changed me. They have shed light onto what's important to me.
Family. Friends. Love. Balance. ME!