The Breastfast Club: My first experience

Six weeks before the birth of my first child, Leila, I clearly remember my friend Bridget talking candidly with me about breastfeeding. Her words stuck with me and have become my go-to words to newly breastfeeding mothers. She said, "...For something "natural", it doesn't seem natural at first."

For my first experience, those words couldn't have been more true.

Breastfeeding was something I always planned on doing. When I was pregnant with my daughter Leila I read breastfeeding books, researched online, and talked to friends and family members about their experiences. I thought I was fully prepared for our breastfeeding journey...then I had a baby.

Read my full story over on Sarah's blog, Nurse Loves Farmer. While you're there you can read other mothers' stories about breastfeeding. The Breastfast Club has featured many bloggers and has turned into a valuable breastfeeding resource for new and seasoned moms.

I should have expected...

I expected to remember everything about the newborn and postpartum stage. It's true, I was completely sleep deprived during this stage with Leila and time has a funny ways of erasing the not-so-great memories from our minds. 

But still, I should have expected... 

• Blow-out poops in the middle of the night.
• Postpartum night sweats that leave me feeling hot, freezing, and soaking wet at the same time.
• Nursing a newborn to start to feel a little like Groundhog day...over and over again.
• A roller coaster of emotions to hit me at any time without any warning.
• Clothing not to feel or look right on my shrinking belly and growing breasts.
• Random, meaningless cries and grunts coming from Carson to wake (and worry) me at night.
• Getting out of the house would take twice as long as it use to.
• To feel a little lost in the chaos and lack of routine.
• Changing a diaper on a wiggly newborn would take two people.
• All the laundry.

What else did I forget about this crazy stage? Please warn me before it's too late!

Carson's arrival {The Birth Story}

Just hours past my due date...there was no one on the freeway at 4:30 am Thursday morning. If there was, they would have been mighty annoyed at how slow Jeff was driving. While contracting I could not handle him driving 55 mph (in a 65 speed limit). It seemed like we were going 100 mph at least. I felt every rock in the road and the slightest turn of the wheel made everything worse.

Once we arrived at the hospital, I felt much better. Walking through the contractions was key! We headed up to triage and got bombarded with questions from just about everyone. This was a specialized hospital for women and newborns...don't they realize a woman cannot think clearly or talk while having contractions?!

After being hooked up to the monitors, checked to ensure my water had broken, and slowly making our way upstairs (all while having contractions in my legs and back) I was beyond ready for the epidural. Luckily the anesthesiologist was ready for me before I even had my IV in place.

By 7:00 am I was feeling good and was already dilated 5 cm. Aside from Carson's heart rate decelerating a few times during contractions, I was able to finally relax. Three and a half restful hours later I was fully dilated, kind of. I had no idea one side of the cervix could dilate before the other. One side was 10 cm, the other was 8.5 cm, so the doctor compromised and called it 9. Waiting time.

Around 3:00 pm my contractions had done their job. Carson was in position and I was dilated for real. It was go-time.

For some reason when I was set up to push my contractions began to get further apart, or so they said, I could hardly feel anything. It was awesome. I joked about how comfortable I was and that I could totally push for two hours at the rate we were going. I didn't expect go-time to last an hour and twenty-three minutes. I pushed a little, waited a bit, pushed some more, waited some more, and finally it was time for the show.

And a show it was. Jeff counted nine people in the delivery room, including ourselves, to watch Carson being born. My two nurses, one doctor, two baby nurses in case Carson's heart rate decorations were caused by the cord being around his neck, one random blonde, and a loud-mouth cheerleader.

At the end of it all Carson was placed on my belly, Jeff cut the cord, and we heard him cry for the first time. I couldn't have been more satisfied with how things went. My doctor was patient as I waited at least five minutes between each push, the baby nurses were not necessary, and that loud-mouth cheerleader knew exactly what to say. You can do it! 

It was truly a beautiful ending to a peaceful delivery. 

Our family was complete.

Carson's due date {The Birth Story}

On my due date I began assuming the worst. I started thinking I would be pregnant forever, even though I logically KNEW that was crazy talk. I posted this on Facebook:

So...who else stayed pregnant past their due date? I would like to start a club. The most pregnant person can be President. It better not end up being me.

The responses made me feel better when I realized all the ladies that commented were actually not pregnant anymore.  Phew. Relief. Peace. Time to bounce on the ball, go for a walk, and eat eggplant.  I knew I had a doctor appointment the following morning and we'd be handing Carson an eviction notice, the sooner the better.

Even Leila was annoyed that Carson hadn't arrived yet.

Jeff happened to have the next day off so he planned on coming with me. We talked about taking our bags with us to the doctor, just in case the wanted to induce that day like they did with Leila. I went to bed after a glass of wine, a shower, planning to go to work after my 8:20 am appointment. I felt relaxed and accepted the fact that I would have to be induced.

Forty-five minutes after his due date expired I heard a pop-like clicking noise. It sounded like a kick would, if you could hear your baby kick. In my sleepy state I assumed that's what it was.

Since I was up I used the bathroom, as any 40 week pregnant lady would do. Funny thing was that I just kept peeing. When it stopped and I stood up I couldn't even make it to my bed before I peed myself. Yellow flag. Peed some more. Orange flag.  Laid down and peed more. Red flag.  This is not pee. 

I instantly googled "water breaking" and came across a website that had quotes from real moms about what it felt like when their water broke.  I almost texted Amy asking about her slow-leak water breaking experience from last month.  Luckily for Amy I found what I needed on the internet.  

By 2:15 am I decided to wake Jeff.  I wasn't convinced it was time to go to the hospital, but figured I should give him fair warning.  His main concern as my pregnancy got closer to the end, was that we'd have to rush to the hospital, frantic and unprepared.

At 3:00 am I considered calling the hospital to find how far apart and how long they should be before they wanted me to come in. (I was set to ask this at my appointment the next morning, I swear.) At this point they were getting closer together...twenty minutes, thirteen minutes, eight minutes, six minutes...and all at least a minute long. 

I felt a rush of adrenaline when they told me because my water broke I needed to come in immediately. 

Immediately turned in to an hour as I packed up last minute items, gathered everything we needed, called my mom, ate a snack, and procrastinated getting into the car. I was not looking forward to being contained to the seat in my car while contracting even though I knew the hospital was only fifteen minutes away.

I called my sister in Chicago since I knew she was probably the only one awake at this early hour. She pumped me up and wished me luck.

This was really happening. Today. Now. Thankfully I was not going to be President of the Overdue Baby Club. And even better...I was barely a member.

Up next...Carson's arrival {The Birth Story}

Naming this baby wasn't easy...

...and I realize it was my fault.  I am the one with all the crazy baby-naming rules. 

But Jeff didn't make it any easier. He had no problem crossing names off the list without any real reason behind it.  He'd randomly veto a name because he didn't like how it sounded.  I, at least, had a clear set of rules to guide my decision.   

Here's a recap of the rules I had for naming this child:

• The name, when written, cannot go below the line.  No lowercase y, p, g, j, or q allowed.

• There are also some uppercase letters that I just don't like writing so they are out too.  (Told you they were strange rules.)  I don't particularly like writing the uppercase letters G, Y, A, or F.

• The name of my child my NOT be one of a pesky student that I had.  I taught for eleven years...that rules out a lot of names.

• I will not name my child the same name as a friend.  Friend can be a loose term these days with Facebook, Twitter, and all the blogs I read.  Since I make the rules, I can decide whether or not this friend's child's name is a contender or not.

• For those of you who know us personally, you know that our last name can be tricky to match up with a first name.  (Trust me on this one.)  It is a hard sounding, one syllable last name that starts with an S.  So guess what...S names are out too.  (Jeff would beg to differ, but I make the rules remember!)

• My son and daughter will not both start with the same letter, so L names are out.  We are already Jeff and Jen...Leila and L-something would be too much for me.

We are officially calling this baby boy...Carson.

We love it for many reasons...  

• It has a strong sound to it
• It's fun to write
• I don't know of any non-famous people named Carson
• It's not super-popular or super-unique (ranked #83 in 2012)
• It follows all my crazy baby-naming rules!

Thank you for all of the suggestions.  The name we chose was actually suggested more than once!

I know a lot of people choose not to share their unborn baby's name.  Many times they don't want to hear people's negative reaction or they want it to be a surprise for their family.  Sometimes parents can't commit to a name until the baby is born!  

Not us.  We chose to share both Leila and Carson's name before they were born for one simple reason...to help us connect with our unborn baby. Hopefully it helps you connect with him too! 

Carson, your big sister cannot wait to meet you.  See you in March!

Did you share your child's name before they were born?

Where does she come up with this stuff?

After spending an afternoon with Betsy, Leila said the most random thing...

"I have a question."  She stated this with such authority.  When Jeff asked what her question was, she told him, "I see red birds.  And orange birds."

WHAT?!

Sometimes I wonder where in the world Leila hears these phrases she's spitting out...

We're talking.
I did it!
Oh, that's better.
No singing Mommy.
Oh well.
I want it.  I don't want it.  I WANT IT! 
What's going on here?
Leave me alone.  I'm pooping.
Oh my gosh!
NO TALKING!
Daddy, you play with me?
Santa talks?
Oh sure!
That's not right.

Other times I know exactly where they came from...

Leila and I hang out all day.  I talk, she talks (and talks, and talks, and talks).  We have conversations that I never expected to have with my two-year old, yet at the same time it seems so natural.

One of these days I am actually going to record her sweet little voice.  I never want to forget how tiny (yet loud) her voice is.  Sometimes when she has nothing to say, she just fills the silence with a song.

Sometimes I think I'd like her to stop asking, "What's that?" (even though she knows exactly what it is) for the millionth time.  Then I remind myself that one of these days (many, many years from now) we probably won't talk everyday.  I know for sure that I will miss her silly questions, her indecisive nature, and her lovely singing voice.

Talk on, Leila.  I promise to listen.

Playing the Name Game, again!

Naming a child is such a special and important job.  It's something only parents get to do!  Naming Leila was quite a process, but that is part of the fun!

I love looking in baby name books, online lists, listening for catchy names I hear on television, and of course, I love the names people share as suggestions.  Our list is growing and being edited on a regular basis.  

I have a strange set of name "rules" to be followed, so I have no shame in ruling out a suggested name.

This guy thinks I am crazy, but happily plays by the rules.  He's sweet...he just said that he likes that I am crazy.  "It makes you- you.  Otherwise life would be boring."

Want to suggest a name?  Please do!  Just be sure to follow the rules below and promise you won't get your feelings hurt if I tell you "no".  

My baby naming rules:

• The name, when written, cannot go below the line.  No lowercase y, p, g, j, or q allowed.

• There are also some uppercase letters that I just don't like writing so they are out too.  (Told you they were strange rules.)  I don't particularly like writing the uppercase letters G, Y, A, or F.

• The name of my child my NOT be one of a pesky student that I had.  I taught for eleven years...that rules out a lot of names.

• I will not name my child the same name as a friend.  Friend can be a loose term these days with Facebook, Twitter, and all the blogs I read.  Since I make the rules, I can decide whether or not this friend's child's name is a contender or not.

• For those of you who know us personally, you know that our last name can be tricky to match up with a first name.  (Trust me on this one.)  It is a hard sounding, one syllable last name that starts with an S.  So guess what...S names are out too.  (Jeff would beg to differ, but I make the rules remember!)

• My son and daughter will not both start with the same letter, so L names are out.  We are already Jeff and Jen...Leila and L-something would be too much for me.

So, think you could suggest a BOY name for us?  Or do my rules scare you? Think of it as a challenge and help us name this baby!

It's a...

B-O-Y!

Jeff and I couldn't be happier!  I noticed the "goods" right away when the ultrasound tech scanned my belly looking for the correct starting point for her measurements.  I didn't say anything at the time, I just let her do her job.  Finally when she got to the legs there was a clear shot.  I asked, "Are those the legs?" She immediately laughed and then said, "It's a boy!"

A healthy boy, that is.  All of his measurements were right on.  The technician said he weighs about 8 oz right now, which puts him in the 41st percentile. (Really?! There is a percentile chart for unborn babies. That's just strange to me.)  

So...now it's time to shop!  

Please Mommas, share where you buy your baby boy clothing.  I hit Old Navy and Target just hours after the ultrasound and came home with one stinkin' piece of clothing!  

Is there a secret boy clothing section that I missed?  There were like four items in each store for boys!  I don't do animals, trucks, dinosaurs (guess that is an animal too, huh?), stupid sports related sayings, or most sayings in general.  I'm screwed aren't I?  (Funny how I didn't notice the lack of boy clothing when I was busy shopping for adorable, stylish, and fun baby girl clothing.) 

My biggest rookie mistake

As I near the half way mark of this pregnancy, I am beginning to reflect on my experiences as a rookie mom.  Honestly, being a mom of two kind of scares the crap out of me.  Reflecting on my newbie years brings me a sense of control and confidence.

Although I know better than to think I am actually the one in control (Proof I'm not a newbie anymore!), there are things I will definitely try do again with baby number 2 and things that I plan to do differently the second time around.

With baby #2 I will definitely try to...

• Breastfeed again, and maybe even longer this time since I won't be going back to work.
• Sleep train this baby as early as possible.  Me without sleep = crazy person.
• Wear baby #2 in the Ergo carrier.
• Take monthly pictures of baby #2 to document all the physical changes in the first year.
• Limit pacifier use to the crib, stroller, and car seat after the first three months (and then eventually just in the crib).

I have confidence that those things will happen again.  I've done them before.  I have experience making them work.  Doing things differently, well that will be more challenging. 

This time around I plan to...

• Sleep when the baby sleeps just to prove to myself that I can.
• Deal with a messy house instead of allowing the mess to consume me.
• Not be so hard on myself.  I am not perfect and I will not panic when things don't go as planned.
• Give my husband the freedom to do things his way.
• Always be late.  I am not even going to stress out over trying to be anywhere on time.  I will be implementing a 30 minute window rule for our arrival.  
• Pretend I am not being judged.  We all know it happens.  This time around I will be too busy to care.
• Get in the picture. My biggest rookie mom mistake was not wanting to have my picture taken for months after Leila was born.  I even made my family and friends promise not to take any pictures of me in the hospital.  Pathetic huh?

After reading Allison Tate's blog post on the Huffington Post, I was a teary eyed mess.  I know exactly how she and many other women feel after having a baby...low self-confidence, high expectations, embarrassed to still have "fat pregnancy face", and a body you don't recognize. This time I will be in photos with my new baby, sporting my postpartum weight and all.

I did allow Jeff to snap some pictures at the hospital after I finally took a shower.
I deleted almost all of them.  Huge regret. 

At least I am partly in the picture, right, even if I did crop out my entire body and made sure to hide my face behind Leila.

I find it extremely difficult to venture out of my comfort zone. Changing behaviors is never easy.  But I'm not a rookie anymore. 

  

Time to fess up Mommas.  What will you be doing differently the second (or third) time around?  What was your biggest newbie mom mistake?

  

So that's where she gets it from

Depending on the context, those words can be heavily loaded.

So that's where she gets her beautiful blue eyes.  Not so bad (even though her baby blues come from Jeff.)

So that's where she gets her bossiness.  Not exactly music to my ears (even though it's true).

Last week I shared a list of phrases Miss Bossy-pants has been heard saying lately. I clearly admitted in the post that she may have heard me say some of those phrases to her, right?

I have said plenty of stuff to Leila that I cannot believe came out of my mouth.  Some stuff I can't even say with a straight face.

Yep, I'm where she gets it from...

You can't tell Mommy where to go.

That's enough Leila! (She repeated this back to me just two minutes later.)

No whining.  Wine is for Mommy.

Go...out of here.

As I mentioned earlier, PLEASE is being used more often around here.

Are there things you've said that you can't believe actually came out of your mouth (then later your child's)?  Want to read what other moms have said?

Check out the other Toddle Along Tuesday posts...

Bossy-pants

Actually, it's Miss Bossy-pants to you.

Here's a rundown of what my almost-two year old has been heard saying lately:

Don't like that.

Go away Mommy.

It's mine, not yours.  It's mine.

Stop!

No Mommy, keep it right there.

Sit down Mommy.

Me do it.  You do it.  No, me do it.

My friend, Amy, and her daughter Kennady hung out with us last week.  I can't remember what I said to Leila, but Amy's response to me was..."Hmmm, I wonder where she gets it from?!"  She was only half-joking.

Looks like PLEASE is going to become the most overused word in my vocabulary.

Wait...what did you just say?

My daughter just got a little more adorable (or annoying...you make the call).

Summertime sweaty Leila

Out of no where she started adding -y to the end of random words.  I do not talk to her like this.  I am not a fan of what I call "baby talk".  But when Leila says it, on her own, it is too cute!

The other day she asked for some "milky" instead of milk and she called her toy cell phone a "phone-y".  The next day she was passing toys out and said, "One for Leila.  One-y for Mommy."  I about died!  Seriously, where does she come up with this stuff?

I guess can stop blaming "those Moms" for talking baby talk to their kids. Sorry I judged you.  Can you forgive me?

Has your toddler started making up words or saying things you just can't believe?

What's she saying?

Mommy get it, is the newest demand coming from Leila's mouth.

She's been pretty good at bossing people around for a while now,
Mommy sit. Daddy sit. Sit down. She tells anyone who will listen what to do.

I know exactly who she got that from.

Today I'm guest blogging for Melissa over at Growing up Geeky.

Head on over and read what else Leila's been saying. Now.

Guest post:
 Toddler Talk- What a girl wants

Milestones

Most books about infant and toddler development list milestones your child may be approaching in each month of their early life. I've always had a difficult time living in the moment, and these books did not help me in that department. I just couldn't help but read ahead to see what Leila would be learning in the months to come.

The first milestone I really anticipated was solid foods. We started on the earlier side than most books recommended after the doctor suggested rice cereal may help her acid reflux. I thought she could use the food! At four months old, Leila was a tiny thing weighing in at just under eleven pounds.

Sleeping through the night was a life changing milestone for me! At seven month's old, the same week she stopped nursing, Leila began consistently sleeping through the night.

I knew that Leila would be an early walker with her strong desire to move around and be independent. I caught her standing on her own at my parents house when we visited last July. By the time I left to return to San Diego she had take her "first" step!

10 months old

Leila officially became a toddler on her Grandee's birthday last August when she walked to me. The look on Leila's face was priceless. She was proud, grinning ear to ear. This was the milestone she had anticipated the most!

What am I looking forward to next?

I would love for this girl to need a haircut! Chopping off her femullet doesn't count. I am still waiting for it to grow back.

Baby Shower {Children's book theme}

Last Saturday I hosted my first baby shower.

Our friend Courtney is expecting her first baby boy this summer.

Doesn't she look amazing!
I spent some time on Pinterest, of course, searching for a theme that was not too over the top. With the beautiful backdrop of the restaurant patio, I knew simplicity was key!

I loved the invitations I found here.

Our no-sew version turned out just as cute!

I purchased some stuffed animal and book sets at Kohls and used them as table decorations. (If you don't already know about their $5 book and stuffed animal deals, check it out here.)

One of the books was set out for guests to sign. You can see in the picture that I glued the invitation to the from cover.


The dessert was homemade by Betsy! She made Lemonade Rice Krispie Treats and Red Velvet Ding Dongs (Courtney's favorite). I had one of each and wanted more.

I asked everyone to bring a book instead of a card. Guests that were not able to attend sent books too. Thanks to everyone's generosity, Baby boy T has quite the book collection already!



I purchased enough fabric to make this double sided pennant banner. I wish I could take credit for how perfect this turned out! My mom and aunt Carrie planned and executed the whole project. I love the buttons they sewed to each corner. The weight of the bottom button held the fabric in place in the breeze.


Courtney was showered with love and gifts. I think everyone had a fun and relaxing time.

We cannot wait to meet her little guy this summer!

How I got here

If you have been here awhile, you know that I consider myself a temporary stay-at-home-mom.

I never planned on staying home when I became a mom. My teaching career allowed me to work 180 days out of the year AND be home around 4pm. Sounded to me like a perfect way to do the all the things I love.

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. -John Lennon

Going back to work after my maternity was the toughest thing I ever had to do.

Not because I didn't want to leave my child, I was excited to go back to teaching. I was desperate to get some structure back into my life after three blurry months of newborn filled days. (You know the drill...eat, sleep, poop, cry. Never in the same order, yet always the same.)

Those six months of teaching were rough on me. I felt guilty leaving Leila and loving the young children in my class. Guilty that I arrived at school ten minutes before class started, and guilty that I rushed home right after school was over.

Ashamed that I still hadn't lost all the baby weight, I spent my afternoons pushing Leila in the stroller while my anxious mind raced with all of the things I thought I should be doing (washing pump parts, bottles, packing my lunch, lesson planning, cleaning house, changing the sheets, going grocery shopping, making dinner...)

I felt like I was giving 110% but no one was reaping the benefits.

I was running on empty.

I learned I would be laid off (for real that year) due to budget cuts and increased class size in a meeting I was, of course, late to. I sat in the back of the room sobbing, wondering if I could take more changes in my life. At the same time, I was relieved it was almost over and afraid I would fail at being a stay-at-home-mom.

This June I will be celebrating one year of being a stay-at-home-mom to my little Leila.

Sure, this new role has had it's challenges. I have struggled with my new identity, making mom-friends, finding a routine that works for us, and feelings of uncertainty when it comes to my teaching career.

These personal struggles, although not resolved, have changed me. They have shed light onto what's important to me.

Family. Friends. Love. Balance. ME!

Life can be difficult when you have a plans. It can be great when you realize you can change them.

19 months

It sounds sort of strange to still refer to Leila's age in terms of months. It ages her much faster than I can believe.  Imagine having a "new" age every month!

When I tell people Leila is nineteen months old, before they ever have the chance to do the math, I usually continue to say that she's a year and a half.

One time a mother told me her son was 30 months old. To this day I still have no idea how old her kid is! I do not want to figure out the math, and I won't make you either. (I can do the math. I simply don't want to.)

For the record: Leila will be one and a half for quite awhile (five months to be exact).

I think I may have found a way to freeze time.

At one and a half years old...

Leila said, oh shit, clear as day, in a situation that I would have said it myself. (Whoops!)

She points out circles and hearts everywhere we go.

Leila has her third illness and a new friend. Toddler friends share everything!

Her eating habits are getting worse, but only for me. She throws her food on the floor at home, but eats just fine at Grandma and Grandpa's or at a restaurant.

Leila loves milk, blueberries, crackers, peanut butter, yogurt, cheese, quesadillas, applesauce, but pizza is by far her favorite. I cannot remember the last vegetable she actually ate, but she almost always tries what is on her plate.

Picnic lunches are becoming more common.

Leila is learning some new signs from our new friends. Although I mentioned she started saying a lot of words last month , the signs help because she often wants something unrelated to what we are doing at the moment.

Today at the park she signed hungry when getting off the slide. Had I not noticed her sign, I may have though she was babbling about playing and climbing!

The blocks, books, and Little People play-set are her favorite toys when we play inside.

Her hair is growing, slowly. I am still hoping for mini-pigtails by her second birthday.