Leilaland: Unsolicited pregnancy advice

Back in 2010, when I was 35 weeks pregnant with Leila, I found out that two of my best friends from home were expecting their first child. I decided to share with them some of the things I had learned along my journey.

Now my youngest sister is 36 weeks pregnant with her first child (my first nephew!) I revisited the list of advice I titled: Candid Pregnancy Advice from a VERY Pregnant Jen and sent it to her too.

Well...just today, I found myself NOT following my own advice! (Will I ever learn?) So I figured it was time to revisit my list once again, to remind myself of what I learned the first time around, and share it with you.

Candid Pregnancy Advice from my VERY Pregnant Self:

Trust your instincts! Enough said.

Do not research anything on the internet! Just like no one talks about how many people made it home safely (without getting shot, stabbed, in a car accident, or plane crash) the internet only tells the BAD stuff. Make a promise to yourself that you will not research pregnancy related symptoms online.

Yes it’s normal. What?!!? Yep…it’s normal. Anything you can imagine can and will happen to your body. Of course it is important to know the warning signs of something atypical but again, remember #1…trust your instincts.

Never look at your butt in the mirror. I am seriously sad that I did. Really…do not. (BIG MISTAKE that I made today!)

Cellulite will appear in places you never expected. Think of it positively…my baby needs this or it wouldn't happen.

It is okay to eat deli meat, drink caffeine (200-300 mg is in a cup of coffee or a soda), hot dogs, AND...ice cream cures everything.

You will need to buy bigger underwear. Granny panties rock.

Wear your regular clothes as long as possible. Maternity clothes were very exciting at 16 weeks…not so much at 35 weeks when you are still wearing the same stupid maternity clothes.

Buy lots of clothes in bigger sizes. What you wear in the 2nd trimester will not necessarily fit you in the 3rd trimester.

Don’t get hung up on the 25-35 lbs weight gain suggested to you by your doctor. It will make you cry and want to eat ice cream when you pass it up. (Unless, of course, your doctor says something to you specifically about your weight gain or lack of at an appointment. Mine laughed at me when I was concerned saying that no one really stays within those guidelines.)

Buy lots of toilet paper. You will pee 800 times a day/night. I sit down, pee, wipe, stand up and repeat (2 or 3x) before I am ready to leave the bathroom. Lean forward when you pee to get the last few drops out.

You will be thirstier than you ever imagined. Water will keep you from major swelling, but 3rd trimester swelling will come. It will be funny when you can’t make a fist, see your ankle bones, have chubby knees, and fingerprints leave indents in your legs.

Everything (yes, even an apple) can give you heartburn and indigestion. Be smart and take Tums before you eat.

Prune juice is not so bad. Splurge on the good shit…the generic is just not the same. It works wonders and is totally necessary. I drink it daily. Just close your eyes because it looks a little like au jus.

One word: EXERCISE. It boosts your mood, helps you poop, and keeps you from feeling bad about the shit you ate the day before.

Take weekly pictures of your belly. You will look back and laugh at when you “thought you looked pregnant” (me at week 10) and pray to just have that little bloated bump again someday!

This last one is so true. Here's the first bump picture of this pregnancy...