Leilaland: I'm here, I like it, and that's alright.

Last month I shared how I became a stay-at-home mom. I lost my job, and until recently I had a difficult time accepting my new role. Or at least that's what I thought.

Last week I got a message letting me know that I need to remove all my stuff from my classroom. They'll be needing the space this fall. It's final...and it sure feels that way.

I'm a mess when it comes to my emotions. Anxiety is high, tears have been shed, feelings of anger and resentment resurface. I miss my friends. I miss teaching. I miss the old Jen.

I'm surprised I feel this way because I do not want to work right now. I really though I was over this! I like being home with toddler Leila. I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, literally. I like my stay-at-home mom lifestyle. I like the new Jen.

I am on a different path, headed in a different direction, than I pictured for myself, and that's alright.

It's okay to be glad that I'm not working.

It is perfectly fine to be a stay-at-home mom, and not love it or hate it.

It's okay to be happy.

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Happiness Is... · 687 weeks ago

Man this motherhood thing is full of emotions huh?!? All I want to do is stay at home right now but I haven't taken the plunge for a variety of reasons. It's always something that we're worried/stressed about!

1 reply · active 687 weeks ago

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myleilaland 70p · 687 weeks ago

It never seems like the right time, until you can look back and see that it was. I hope you get what you want and that it's less confusing than it is for me! :)

Phase3OfLife 61p · 687 weeks ago

Your struggle with this makes a lot of sense to me and I think it's how I would feel, too. It is an amazing time that you'll never regret having with your daughter. But it's totally normal and ok to miss things about your pre-SAHM life, too.

mwedwards815 27p · 687 weeks ago

This sentence in your post really stood out for me:
"I am on a different path, headed in a different direction, than I pictured for myself, and that's alright."

That is something that is challenging for me to realize and accept but I need to ... Thanks so much for sharing! (Stopping by from SITS Girls and LOVE the look of your blog)

Thanks! I have to believe that my 10-year-ago self was clueless!

Jessica · 687 weeks ago

You'll probably struggle with these emotions for a long time - I know I have. I chose to stay at home in October of last year and quit my marketing job in SD to be with my boy while we were expecting our second. I still have a hard time and miss my friends, my work, my different life. Doesn't mean you don't like your "new" life! Great post...will be following.

It's funny how much motherhood changes you. Down to every.last.bit. I swear I was way less emotional, more confident, but felt way less love before having Leila. It's a trade-off I can live with! :)

misssrobin · 687 weeks ago

It is wonderful that you like your stay-at-home-mom-ness. But please be kind to yourself. It's also okay to be sad about what you're leaving behind. It doesn't mean you don't like where you are. Transitions are hard. There will be things you continue to miss. That's okay.

Nice post. Stopping by from SITS. Have a great weekend.